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October 19th, 2008
11:54 pm - Update: Palin Rap
Watch my Alaska mama rock out to Amy's Palin rap HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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March 3rd, 2008
09:37 pm
i know nobody cares anymore. but no one has to worry about Sean's place in my life anymore. he might always have a place in my heart, but our lives are not entangled anymore. he is gone. possibly forever. i'm ok with it. i just pray for him and his life.
bye, Sean. God has a plan for you. you just have to ask Him. you know i'll miss you.
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March 2nd, 2008
09:21 pm
not much is going on.
turned in my midterm yesterday. i know i didn't go into as much depth as he would have liked. i haven't looked at my grade yet. i'll probably do that tomorrow. this instructor is making me mad though. this should be a subject that i enjoy, but i'm too stressed out. urg.
sooooooooooo, yup. i'm in trouble. hahaha
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February 29th, 2008
08:42 pm
i have been stupid busy and just feeling rushed lately, so i am just going to paste a letter i sent to my soldiers today:
Happy Leap Year Day!!! I regret to inform everyone that i am NOT moving this weekend!!! I found out a couple days ago that a man was attacked and killed this past New Year's Eve - where I was supposed to be living!! Nooooo thank you!!! That, on top of a couple other doubts I already had, made my decision clear for me!! Back to the drawing board for an apartment!! Just a good thing I found out before I moved, right?? Also, please don't worry if you haven't heard from me in a while! February has been a crazy month - and these past two weeks have been down right nuts. I got the flu two weekends ago, and it went into the week, causing me to miss two days of work. that put me behind - right before a deadline too!! not only that, but I was getting ready to move and trying to pack everything up. at the same time, my best friend's mom (who i consider to be a second mom to me) was getting married last week. my best friend made the wedding cake, cheesecakes, and needed my help making other goodies (chocolate covered strawberries, fruit tarts, and sugar pecan balls - i may just have that martha stewart gene yet!!). the night before the wedding, we stayed up until 2am in the kitchen!! not to mention rehearsal dinner and the actual wedding!! it was beautiful and i cried my eyes out -- happy tears only!! the reception was awesome, with good friends all around! there are pictures up on my myspace, so please feel free to take a look! this week hasn't been any better! up until i found that out about my apartment, i was still trying to pack all my crap up!! and trying to get all my friends in one place to help with the move was proving to be challenging! finally one of my friends told me "relax, i'm taking over!!" LOL!! just to find out it wasn't necessary anyway. i had to meet this deadline, and just when i thought i was on top of things, everyone and their mom decided to give me more stuff to do! (i did end up meeting the deadline - thank you Jesus!!) all that, and this week i have a midterm in my class that is due tomorrow. and somehow in the middle of all that, i beat my Executive Vice President in a Gettysburg simulation strategy game!!! whoops!!
that midterm is tiring. easy enough, but i just don't have the motivation to finish it lol. this is my second break in an hour....oh well, i have until tomorrow midnight. i might have to go see my sister sing tomorrow, which would be fine if i didn't already have plans. christal and i are thinking of going bowling. invited tim. he said he'll go. he invited me to go to a poetry reading tonight, but i have this stupid midterm. he writes christian-inspired songs, and he's done a couple at church before. he's pretty good. i would have loved to see him do some of his stuff tonight :\ oh well. next time.
ok, back to this stinkin midterm....ugh, when will this week end!!?!?
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February 27th, 2008
07:17 pm
soooo, last night i have this dream. sean and i were lounging around the house in our pjs - cuddling, snuggling, being lazy. and so, we were snuggling on the bed, when he tells me " i loved you". not "i love you" like you would expect in that situation. and, what's funny was that in the dream, i was perfectly ok with it. infact, i got kind of excited. i said "you just said "i LOVED you!! as in past tense!!" and he smiled and said "yeah, i did". and in the dream, i was actually happy! i thought "finally! it's ok to move on!"
funny, huh??
he called tonight. i don't know why. i thought he would have disappeared now. the conversation went on alright, although he wasn't as sweet as he had been. we talked for almost a half hour, but then his dad called. so, who knows when i'll hear from him again. i'm just letting the Lord take over our friendship...
.....and the rest of my heart.....
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February 24th, 2008
07:22 pm
this weekend has been loooooooong, but awesome!!! Christal's mom was married last night!! :D we had sooo much fun!!! plus, i had to help Christal in the bakery all weekend to get ready while she made the cake.
so, thursday i went over there cuz the office was closed the next day, and i didn't want to be snowed in in Frederick and not get to the wedding!!!
so, friday Christal was working, and i just did homework and helped her out. my friend from church Tim came over and helped out too, which was great. as usual, we all had fun in the kitchen :D then, christal and i had to get ready for the rehearsal dinner. everyone was there and it was GREAT!!! i have some pictures of my myspace! (look at my links on the left here).
after the dinner, we stole Christal's brother and brought him back to the bakery. he and i made fruit tarts til 2am while Christal was working on the wedding cake. she went to bed after we did, and woke up before us! in the morning, her employee Taylor and i made chocolate covered strawberries and i helped christal get everything ready. we also made toppings for the cheesecakes. she went to drop all the food off and i showered and got ready. when she got back, she got ready and we rushed out the door. we got to the wedding just in time. i sat up front with the family. lemme tell you, i was so honored by her family. i know we all joke that i'm part of the family, but when it came down to it, they still included me in everything. the rehearsal dinner is supposed to be for family and wedding party only, and her mom included me in it. at the wedding, i had a seat in the front row with the family. at the reception, i sat at the reserved table with the family. i was so blessed this weekend.
anywho, the wedding was sweet and short. christal and i both were crying through the whole thing. we stuck around for photos, then i drove Taylor to the reception (she's also the photographer's daughter), while Christal jumped in the family limo.
the reception was awesome. we were all family at the table - not literally family, but you know, all close friends and always have a good time together. you can check out the photos, again, on my myspace :D i cried during the first dance and the father daughter dance. this is my second mom getting married!!! everything i made at the bakery, and christal's cake and cheesecakes, were all a hit! we all laughed and danced the whole night, it was quite possibly the best wedding i've ever had. at the end, all of us that stayed the whole night, circled around the new couple and gave them a West Virginia farewell by singing Country Roads a capella :D
i still have a disposable camera i used, and other people took pictures too, so i'm sure i'll be adding more to my myspace :D go check them out!!!
in other news - i haven't heard from Sean since Wednesday. this is very unlike him since we've started talking again. this past week i've felt that familiar feeling of him pulling away. i know he has a lot going on, but he's always made time to call before. even if it's just driving inbetween things. so, i don't know what's going on. i'm hoping it's not something serious and he's ok. last time this happened, it was an emergency rescue. so, i've been praying for him.
but, God's been working on my heart. i'm not kicking myself for giving him another chance. if he is pulling away, then that will be my answer. and i'm ok with it. and, i would prefer that to something happening to him. so, we'll see....
today, i was actually early for church. i walked in and saw that the limo driver actually goes to my church!! i had no idea!! i was happy to find someone else i know there. hopefully i've made another friend at church. today's sermon was beautiful, and we did a special communion just for laying our burdens at God's feet. it was awesome. I told Tim i wasn't going to the gym afterwards, so he asked if i wanted to grab lunch. this time i said yes. we went to shepherdstown and got some chinese. we had some good conversation and prayed over dinner. i know this will sound weird, but it felt good to say grace with someone again. then, we walked over to the college and looked at some of the changes it's made since we graduated. wow, i didn't feel like college was a long time ago until i saw all the changes!!! now i feel old!!!
after that he dropped me off at my car and i went home.
and uploaded the pictures of the wedding on my myspace :D
so go check them out :D
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February 20th, 2008
10:13 pm
i've had some constant headaches the last couple days. i have to double my advil. every now and then my stomach acts up. i'm not allowed to get sick until after i move!!! i'm getting pretty excited, but just getting all my crap from christal's and frederick is going to be a bitch.
i found the couch i want:
http://www.roomstogo.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=showItem&ipac_id=10231
it looks pretty comfortable and in my budget. and they deliver, so they can deal with getting it to my 3rd floor apartment :D the loveseat costs just as much as the couch tho, so i dunno about that. let's just hope it's still this cheap in two weeks!!!
So, Sean got a new boss. i forget who is directly above him. either his gunny or staff sgt. either way, his new boss told him that he would have approved Sean's leave for the wedding!!! aaaahhhhhhhh!!! why couldn't this new guy be there two weeks ago?!!? oh well. Sean is trying to figure out when a good time to come home would be. so, hopefully i'll see him soon :)
ooo, speaking of which, he's talking to me!! tootles!! :)
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February 17th, 2008
11:26 pm
ugh. i can't sleep. i haven't been able to sleep all week. i turn the lights out, get comfy and nestled and then nothing. i just lay there and stare in the darkness. it's that stupid anxiety thing. which i actually haven't had a problem with since i got my job. this month has just been psycho.
and before any of you make assumptions, NO, it is not Sean that's keeping my awake. at least, not my relationship with him, or how he feelings about me. details in a minute...
....the biggest things on my mind are christal's mom's wedding, class, this concert we're supposed to go to on tuesday, and moving. trying to figure out when everyone can help and how i'm going to get ALL my stuff from both christal's apartment and here over to charles town.
then, my mom had the audacity to remind me this morning that my sister is singing March 1st - the day i told her a week ago that i'm moving. why she couldn't tell me this when i told her, i don't know. not to mention the fact that i'm not a morning person AT ALL, unless you are a select few - Sean, Christal and her family, amber or al ( and that's only because i've lived with them before!). don't talk to me in the morning. it just puts me in a bad mood. and why the hell are you going to tell me something you know i'm not going to want to hear in the morning??? fuck.
so now, i have to make a decision between getting the fuck out of here, and going to support my sister, which if i don't, i won't hear the end of it. then again, that's why i'm moving out (well, part of the reason...). i've already asked everyone if they could help me that day, and they said yes.
christal's mom's wedding is upsetting me only because of things like directions and being supportive. christal is doing the cake and trying to support her mom and doing pretty much all the duties of the bridesmaid (even though she's not), so therefore i am HER support. not only that, but i have to fit in 2 or 3 more tanning sessions this week so i'm not all pasty in my dress. and, i've skipped out on the gym this week to celebrate 3 different birthdays, including my own, so now i haven't lost a single pound to fit back into my dress. it looks fine, but it's a little tight and i could have used losing that weight.
this concert on tuesday is freaking me out because it's in baltimore, which means we have to drive there instead of taking the metro. i hate baltimore. luckily, we're meeting a friend of hers outside of baltimore, which we'll either carpool with them or follow them. i REALLY REALLY hope they can fit us in with them so i don't have to drive!!! and then, will i be awake enough to drive back??? it wouldn't be such a big deal if it were in DC and i only had to drive to the metro, but it had to be in baltimore. i took wednesday off so i wouldn't have to worry about waking up at 6am the next day too.
then, in the next two weeks, i have to fit my homework in there somewhere. i've been doing fine waiting until the end of the week. the homework is actually right up my alley - this week we had to discuss the crisis with youth unemployment and no education in the Middle East. awesome. but, so, the next two weeks, i have to cram it at the beginnings of the week because i'm going to be too busy during the weekends. that is just going to be chaos.
so, that's what i have to deal with just in the next two weeks.
after that, and this is really just an afterthought right now, Sean is going to be coming home in the near future. like, in the next month or two. he's been talking to his dad this weekend about when a good time to come home would be. the plan right now is that i will pick him up from the airport and he'll spend the first night or two (depending on if he gets 1 or 2 weekends off) with me. then i will drive him home. meaning, i will be meeting his family again for the first time since we were together 3 years ago. do you know how nervous i'm going to be??! especially depending on how Sean's stay with me goes!!! i have no idea if they're even going to remember me. i used to talk to his brother online some the last time he was deployed, but that was even 2 years ago. i know all about them, but i might be a complete stranger as far as they know. not to mention i have to think of what we're going to do while he's here....of course, he'll probably be so tired, we'll just end up watching movies or something. don't get me wrong, i could think of nothing better than just curling up with him and watching movies!!! i just always wish he could see more of my life whenever he comes around. there's more to me than just sitting infront of the TV. and i wish he could meet more of my friends and become a real part of my life, instead of being isolated in my apartment. but, of course, i will gladly do or not do whatever he wants.
the way things are going, this visit could make or break us. i know seeing each other again for the first time in over a year is going to change things. i just hope it's for the better. again, i have to trust in God here...
and that's everything running through my head this past week when i'm trying to sleep - like now....
good things: i ran into one of my kids today. it's been over a year. he's going to school and a family adopted him. he's grown half a foot and lost 50 pounds!! for a former delinquent, he looks great!!! i got to meet his family and talk to him for a bit. he gave me a hug. happy times.
i talked to Sean for over an hour again today, but mostly about school work. we texted for a bit tonight, but then he called me saying he has to go out on a rescue, and he'll call me as soon as he can. i hope that means tonight lol but depending on the rescue, probably not. he talked to me for a long time, and his dad for a long time, so i'm going to bet his phone dies while he's out, which is going to suck.
anyway. i'm going to try again. tootles.
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February 14th, 2008
10:36 pm
so this valentine's day was celebrated with......6 dead at Northern Illinois University. seriously, couldn't the guy pick some other day?? ok, that might be a bit insensitive...
is it just me or are school shootings getting worse?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!??? this makes me not want to have kids for the simple fact that no where is safe anymore.
this is what our men and women are dying in Iraq for?!!?
these people make me sick. my dad used to say horrible things to me. horrible things. i was never supported. infact, i was told i'd either end up on the street as a prostitute, or in a psych ward. i'm still told i will never amount to anything, and getting my master's is a waste of time.
BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME SHOOTING ANYBODY!!!!
something is wrong in society.
ok, anyway.....
valentine's day was alright. after work i tanned and worked out a bit. then, christal and i met up with everyone at bdubs. we were actually celebrating me and amber's birthdays. but, it was a great time, as usual.
got to talk to my valentine a couple times. he's looking at a truck right now, and said he'd call again later. not sure if that means later tonight or tomorrow...i hope it means tonight!!
the end. good night!!
***EDIT: more and more often after I get off the phone with Sean, i find myself saying "thankyouthankyouthankyou thankyouthankyouthankyou GOD!!!" LOL
he did call me back, but his phone was dying. :(
but, we were talking. we were both in bed, and he's a dude and it's late, so you know his thoughts were SOMEWHERE!! and he told me he has a half day tomorrow and has Monday off, but he wasn't doing anything with his time off. and i said "shoot, if we had planned ahead, i could have come down!" (can you tell i'm getting a bit bolder lately?) and he goes "yeah, i wish" but then he starts talking about how hard it would be to restrain himself around me, and how he's sorry because he knows i don't like him talking about it. he said he's been trying to stay really good, because talking about it would just make it even harder when we see each other next. to which I said "yeah, but we don't know when we're going to see each other again." and it's probably just easier to do it this way:
him: "i wish it was tonight"
me: "you do?"
him: "yeah, i do"
me: (while, as you can imagine, i'm smiling from ear to ear) "me too"
him: "and it's not just because of that....i really do want to see you"
AND THEN HIS PHONE DIES!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
i'm trying to stay calm, because things like, maybe he was just lonely because it was Valentine's Day. or maybe it WAS just THAT (of course, all guys think with their dicks - even the good ones, so that shouldn't really mean anything...). but, i just feel like we got an inch closer tonight :D i'm sure the conversation would have gone on, if HIS PHONE DIDN'T DIE!!! BAH!!!
how do you fall asleep when your heart is pounding and singing "happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy!"??!?!! LOL!!
ok ok, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...................
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February 13th, 2008
07:50 pm
some where in this picture are my 13 valentines lol.
i've stopped visiting the Soldiers Angels forum to get new soldiers every day. i've got a good base of men and women that i have established correspondence with. 2 women, 14+ men. i got this whole squad by accident. at first, i was only writing to one guy, but he asked if i could send a letter to his 12 soldiers, and i've heard back from 5 of them. and those 5 say that the others love my letters too. i feel like i've adopted the whole squad lol. i sent them all valentine cards and candy, and one of them emailed me and said "all of us will be your valentine!!" awwww!!
my real valentine passed his inspections with flying colors!!! he may even be up for a commendation!! so, i'm really happy for him!! he's still worried about the squadron as a whole, though. there may be a possibility that he has to be transferred, which means there's a possibility he could be transferred back to NC, which means there's a possibility he could be deployed again. this isn't until later in the future, but still. pray for him. getting deployed again is the last thing he needs.
i got to talk to him for 10ish minutes earlier, but i hope he calls again. i just can't get enough of him. i looove talking to him!!! i'm trying to control myself and keep myself busy, because i know we both have our obligations. i just have to be patient. our talks yesterday were great, and I'll have to hold onto that until next time.
i feel like a marine girlfriend again, without actually saying it. but, i'm not going to label myself one until he tells me to lol. whatever's happening between us feels right, though. i just have to trust in God's plan....
ok. Ghost Hunters. tootles!!
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February 12th, 2008
07:36 pm
well, i didn't think anything was post worthy today. i took off work. when i woke up, it was snowing hardcore. i just didn't want to bother at the time, and i have plenty of sick time. so i called in. i think i might have needed that, because then i slept for another FOUR HOURS!!!! holy crap!! so, later in the day i voted then came back. watched a movie. soaked in the tub. looked for couches online. talked to Sean. and that's aboot it!!
yeah, Sean was really stressed out and in a crappy mood yesterday. he started taking it out on me a little over the phone yesterday. imagine a pregnant woman on steroids lol. but, today he called me and apologized and made up for it lol. actually, that nice conversation i wanted for my birthday yesterday, i got today. of course, we were also flirting quite a bit more than we have been. i'm a bit apprehensive about flirting with him, naturally. but, you know, we're both single for the first time in over a year. we're attracted to each other. we have a long history. flirting is part of the process. i shouldn't feel one bit guilty.
plus, it wasn't just that we were flirting. for one, when he was too busy to talk on the phone, he would text message me. he HATES texting!! lately he would text me every once in a while, but not a whole conversation. so, there's another surprise. AND he was being so nice (maybe to make up for yesterday, but i'm not picky lol) - asking me how my birthday went, how my day was, how i was doing, etc etc. it was nice to say the least.
and when he had time, he'd call me for a couple minutes at a time, then he'd say he'd have to go back to texting, then call me again, then go back to texting.
now, i'm guessing he has to do something with the helicopters, cuz he hasn't been able to do either. he said he'll try to call again when he leaves work tonight.
it's just been really nice to have him "up in my grill" LOL!! he's the opposite from me, even with girlfriends. and usually i don't like people invading my space and privacy either. that's why i can't stand living at home or with other people, no matter who it is. but, as usual, he's the exception to the rule. i just love it when he calls or texts and asks about my day or what i'm doing or what i'm into. i love it when he can't get enough of talking to me :) i really really hope there are more days like today!!
i'm going to take my fuzzy feeling and watch American Idol now...
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February 11th, 2008
10:00 pm
on the plus side, my retarded instructor listened to me and changed my F to a B. from a 57% to an 80%. that just tells me he didn't really think in the first place, he just gave me whatever he felt like. which pisses me off and worries me about future assignments. but oh well. i'll argue with him every week if i have to. my mom said "i'm sure glad you stick up for yourself!!" yeah, me too!! or else i'd have to deal with an F!!! for no good reason!!
so, everyone had a cake for me at work. they do it for everyone, so ehh. but, still nice.
thank you everyone for the birthday wishes :)
good news: i chose an apartment! only 2 blocks from work. walk-in closet :) large living room and eat-in area. i'm moving in march 1st. i'll post pictures when i'm all moved in :)
Sean called briefly and wished me a happy birthday. he's really stressed out about a deadline he has tomorrow, so the conversation wasn't really fluffy and huggy lol. he said he'll try to call again later, but i'm betting he just collapses in bed. if i had one thing for my birthday though, it would just be to have a really nice conversation with him (yes, that's seriously all i want).
so, yup, another year older. woot.
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February 10th, 2008
08:33 pm
so, it's the first week of my new class and the new professor is pissing me off royally. my first assignment was to write an essay based on these articles, and comment on other students' essays. he gave me a 100% on my essay - woot. but a freaking F on the participation part!! which is totally incorrect!! i went beyond what was required of me!! i emailed him arguing my case, and he gave me a bullshit answer, so i emailed him BACK and yelled at him more. i am already considering dropping this class and taking it at another time, but that will set me back a little bit on getting my master's. we'll see how this goes. i have to see if he answered my second email. i vented to sean earlier today, and i'm worried i scared him about his classes. he's just worried about going back to school and whether or not he's doing everything right. but, i told him that our experiences will be totally different since i'm doing graduate school and he's undergraduate.
but, yeah, my professor is pissing me off. i'm friends with all the deans and department chairs, and as much as i don't want to use my work relationships with these people for this purpose, i'll pull some strings if i have to
this wind is recockulous!! my parents' house is shaking!! i had to drive in it, and that wasn't so bad. but geez!! christal's crush was saying that trees are coming down near him (he lives in BFE). wwwooooowww!!
i dunno, that's about it today. church was awesome. a sermon about christian hypocrites and "sunday christians". always a good lesson to learn. i'd like to think that i carry the Word of Christ with me wherever i go, but I'm sure that i fail in that too. we all fall short of the glory of God. that's why we rely on the mercy and grace of God to lift us up :)
anywho. then christal and i went to the gym. the power went out there because of the wind, but it came back on. we worked on abs and muffin tops today lol.
then i came back here to go out to dinner with the fam.
then i wrote up some more valentine's for soldiers. i know they won't get there in time by now, but i bought like 200 of them things!!! i can't wait til some of them reach my soldiers. i've been keeping in touch with a whole squad of them, and i can't wait to hear their reactions lol.
welp, tomorrow's my birthday. sometime this week, we're all going to bdubs, cuz amber's is the day after mine, so we all have to celebrate both.
tootles.
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February 9th, 2008
10:46 pm
Sean woke me up this morning <3 i was in happy land. esp since i usually don't hear from him on the weekends! of course, i've been saying that, but it's getting to be less and less true as the weekends go by. he's just really.... putting in the effort.... it's been amazing to me.
i got my homework done!! i was surprised. it was everything i knew, about cultural relations, but i was not motivated to do the work. but, i forced myself to, wrote the paper, and i actually think i did pretty sweet. we'll see when it's graded tho.
after the paper, i went to WV and me, christal, and her mom went shopping for a dress for christal for her mom's wedding. her mom's getting married, have i told you that?? Sean was actually going to come be my date, but he has an air show the same day and his leave was denied :( that's ok. the mere fact that he wanted to come be my date to a wedding - where emotions would have been flying - means so much to me. it speaks volumes, as far as i'm concerned.
but anyway, so the 3 of us went shopping :) i love christal's mom. i call her mom too. she treats me like a daughter. and hanging out with them is always happy times for me.
after shopping we went to outback, and her mom's fiance met up with us there. good times as usual. good food. yum yum.
now, i'm back home on here. tomorrow is the church, gym, then i'm going out to dinner with my family! tootles!
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11:15 am
last night was great.
there is this guy that everyone's been trying to set christal up with and i think last night did it. just the beginning, of course. but, at least it's a beginning.
plus it turns out that he suffered through PTSD. Sean came up in the conversation, cuz he called me, and Brian (the guy) was all over my business. but, it turned out great because he really put everything in perspective, and just kind of solidified everything that's happening. it was great because out of everyone, all my friends, christal is the only one who will listen to me about Sean. nobody else wants to hear about it. which, when you're going through something emotionally, sucks. (by the way, a couple of you girls have offered your advice and encouragement, and you really have no idea how much that means to me!!) so, having someone else's perspective really helped.
and just so you know, NO, the night did not become about me!!! i abandoned them a few times so they'd have alone time, then finally i left around 9:30 to go back home, and they ended up hanging out til midnight, so YAY for christal!!! :D i'm happy for her.
now today, i am going to write a paper for my Middle Eastern class. i'm a little worried because it seems like this guy is going to demand a lot of work. but i'm just going to take one day at a time now. this means less time towards my soldiers though, which i am sad about :( but, we'll see.
alrighty. tootles.
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February 8th, 2008
10:50 pm
so, my mom and i found out today that my next door neighbor from Charleston has commited suicide. no one knows why. i can't make sense of it. this guy was well-respected all around town. regional VP for the bank. alumni association board for the College of Charleston. board on the Rotary Club. boy scouts. active at church. two gorgeous kids in college.
this guy had it all.
it just goes to show ya that no matter how well off someone is, no matter how much they seem to have it all together, you just never know.
it is heart breaking. i have so many memories with his family. they were great. what happened that made him think he couldn't bear one more day??
i thought about leaving work early, i just couldn't focus for a couple hours. but, i couldn't change anything, and it wasn't like i was going to fly down there suddenly. so i stayed.
please just keep his family in your prayers. God knows they need them!! Lord, be with them. Give them strength and courage.
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February 7th, 2008
05:59 pm - who the hell do they think they are???
after reading this, i IMMEDIATELY wrote to the city council and told them what I thought of their little protests!! i would be happy to share my reply with you....please let them know how you don't appreciate this move!!
MARINES ATTACKED IN BERKELEY, CALIF.
Written by Melanie Morgan
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
City Calls Marines
"Unwelcome Intruders"
SAN FRANCISCO - The City of Berkeley, California, has passed two resolutions attacking the United States Marine Corps, calling the Marines "uninvited and unwelcome intruders in the city."
The Berkeley City Council voted to condemn the Marines on Tuesday night (January 29th) as part of a campaign by anti-war activists to shut down a U.S. Marine Recruiting Center located in Berkeley.
The votes by the Berkeley City Council were immediately condemned by Move America Forward (website: www.MoveAmericaForward.org), the nation's largest grassroots pro-troop organization.
"It is disgraceful that in the birthplace of the Free Speech Movement, anti-military activists would attempt to silence the same military men and women who serve this country and give their lives to protect the free speech rights of all Americans, including these ungrateful and despicable people on the Berkeley City Council," said Melanie Morgan, Chairman of Move America Forward.
The actions by the Berkeley City Council followed continuous protests by Code Pink and other anti-military organizations who vandalized and defaced the U.S. Marine Recruiting Center in September 2007.
One of the two resolutions passed by the Berkeley City Council last night granted a parking spot in front of the Marine Recruiting Center to be used by anti-military activists to harass Marine recruiters. The anti-military activists would not need to apply for a sound permit for the next six months - allowing them free reign to disrupt the day-to-day operations by the Marines.
Move America Forward organized a counter-protest in support of the Marines last October that attracted more than 400 pro-troop supporters who stood in solidarity of the Marine Recruiting Center.
"We have hundreds of thousands of military men and women serving honorably overseas to protect our freedoms. Imagine how they feel when they go to turn on the news and see that they are being stabbed in the back by shameful people here at home, it's disgraceful!" said Catherine Moy, Executive Director of Move America Forward.
Please get INVOLVED and let the Berkeley city council know that you DO NOT appreciate their actions.
Contact the council
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February 6th, 2008
11:36 pm - Praise the Lord :)
i just realized something.
we've changed.
i mean, me and him. of course, we're still the same people. for the most part, we are still who we were 2-4 years ago. some traits have changed, but we're still the same. what i mean is, when it comes to "us", we are different. our interactions, our "relationship".
the reason why we went through the problems we had is that we went from that puppy dog love, not caring about the world, honeymoon love to the total 180 when he suffered from PTSD and pushed everyone away, him not caring anymore, and he pulled the rug out from under me. i suffered my own trauma from that. but, we went from one extreme to the other back then.
lately things have been different between us. just different. i'm not as needy. i don't take things as personally (and when i do, i control my urge to freak out). he is giving everything he can to hold on. we might throw in a flirtatious comment every now and then, but it's not the focus of our conversations. we talk all the time - sometimes he'll call once a day, sometimes 5 times in a day. (which i absolutely eat up with a spoon!!) and when i don't hear from him, i actually trust that it's not because he's suddenly forgotten me and changed his mind about his feelings. i actually believe that he's putting 100% in. we have a better understanding of each other. we support each other.
it's like, instead of one extreme of new love, or the other extreme of dumping efforts, we've found a happy medium. we're building on something real this time. (of course, i can't say we're actually "building" something at this time, but i can feel that we have a stronger foundation this time around) in the past couple months, i've actually cried happy tears more from him than i have in the whole time i've known him. i really praise God for each day that I have with him. i think all of you know that it could only be God that could turn the sad, pathetic situation we were in into something positive. I really have to say Hallelujah and Amen for everything that's happening with him!!
so, yes, I am going to continue to trust God with this. I am going to continue to wait and see what happens. I know that there are people out there who think Sean is evil and isn't capable of changing ( because, you know, their significant other has never hurt them or done anything wrong!!), but if God can forgive David, Moses, and all the sinners of the world (who is each and every one of us), then He can certainly forgive Sean and I for our selfish behaviors in the past. If the Lord forgives all trespasses and wipes away sin, then who are you to think that you know better than Him??
we have really been blessed with the opportunity to change things, and I am tearing up now, just thinking about how well things are going. i don't know what the future holds, but it is just amazing to realize how much has changed.
with that, it's time for bed. good night ladies :)
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February 5th, 2008
07:20 pm
was i wrong to buy this for myself???? it's not like i have a boyfriend to buy it for me!! it Chocolate Taihitian Pearl with PINK Gold!!! this necklace is me all over!!! 30% off baby!!
i hope you voted in your primary today!! MD's isn't til next week. it's too late to re-register as a republican so i can vote for mccain. so, i'm just going to vote for OTHER as a democrat. i don't want either obama or clinton.
work was purty good. sean and i have had some good convo time. after work, i put together some more valentine's care packages. i'm actually talking to one of my soldiers now. tootles!!
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February 4th, 2008
09:40 pm
so, i told my mom tonight that i don't think i want to go to italy. i feel bad because she really wants to go, and it would have been nice to travel through italy with my mom. now she has to find someone else to go with. but, i've been praying about what to do with this money, and i wasn't feeling going to italy. the best thing i can think of right now is to just save up and buy a house. i still have a while to go to have enough for a house, but i've got a sizeable start.
i started looking for apartments again. i mean, on the one hand, while i'm at home, i can save up big time, which i am doing. but on the other hand, this commute is really getting to me. thank God i don't have to commute to the city!! i am just so wiped every day when getting home, and commuting an hour every day is time i could be spending doing other things. i am really being deprived of my quiet time. i am a really private person, and living at home is not giving me the space i need. all my stuff is in boxes, and i can't handle that. i am just starting to feel worn. my whole life is in west virginia - work, church, gym, friends. i just feel isolated and disconnected.
i am really missing Sean too. i mean, we still talk just about every day. and, even with all this crap that he is dealing with, he still makes a point to call me when he can. really, things are great for what they are right now. considering everything we've gone through, i couldn't ask for a better relationship right now. i thank God for every day that we remain like this. but, a great relationship has just made me attached to him all over again. i am trying to keep calm, but i just need him all the time again. i want to talk to him morning, day, and night. my heart aches for him. i'm not freaking out and blowing up his phone like i used to, trying to say "i just missed you and wanted to talk to you". i know better than that now.
also, i don't want to just live by my emotions. i don't know what God has planned for us, even if He wants me to continue the friendship for now. i want to live by God's will, even if that means being without Sean. i really mean that. i pray day and night that He shows me what to do. i'm waiting for Him to make a move in our relationship, whether it's to separate again or join together again.
well, i am going to read for a bit then go to bed. ttyl.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) lonely
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